It is not our fault – consequently, we need tolerance, instead of moralization. Which is true for more issues than just sex.
Now is again a time when many declare their own public outing. Currently, those who do it are athletes and soccer players. Probably because the World Championships are coming up. In my opinion “Outing Yourself” is important and a good thing. I find it a good thing, even if it is always a welcome target for the media. Now, even films about Nymphomania and Satyriasis have become box office hits (see: SZ on Shame and Nymphomaniac).
The discussion continues: how much sexuality is normal? And what sort of sex is abnormal. If you enjoy sex a lot, you are often considered sexually addicted and consequently sick. Of course, matters are extremely bad if your sexuality is beyond the “normal” (hetero-) sexuality or its standards.
As I see it, the entire discussion should be totally unnecessary. Also, people getting upset about the consolidation of partnerships between homo- or heterosexual couples in society and law is something I am getting fed up with. Why can people living in relationships and communities they think are the best for them not just be left in peace?
It might make sense to set certain standards for default contracts and regulations like “matrimony”. Perhaps these standards can promote solidarity in partnerships or protect the weak (for instance: children). Providing rules for how small social systems, such as families, should live together might be justifiable under this light. But then, they should also make sense. Instead of being lies and just serving to cement moral (and consequently moralizing) constructs.
We must not foulmouth relationships in the way homosexuality has been discriminated against over many centuries. The “homo-marriage” is also a relationship of solidarity between two persons. And it is just as “normal” as a heterosexual relationship. And it is absolute nonsense to come up with categories such as “crime and punishment” for these relationships.
After all, sexuality is something very banal and natural. It is part of what we are and, naturally, has some influence on our lives and on what we do. Our ratio has to accept our own sexuality and to deal with it in a sensible way. And, if possible, in a healthy way – without discrimination or harm. Consequently, no feelings of guilt must be generated.
We should not forget that we, too, are just organic and mortal beings and thus fundamentally controlled by drives. Just like other mammals. We must not be afraid to admit this. After all, we, who are sometimes so cute (and sometimes less cute) are basically only animals, except that our brain is a little more advanced. Which is why we can “think”. To be sure, this is quite a miracle, but it is no reason to consider ourselves above creation and thus eventually do damage to ourselves.
It is also quite normal that the intensity of the sexual drive differs from individual to individual. Just like some people are more intelligent, stronger, faster, more musically gifted, more courageous, more fearful or more stupid, weaker, slower than others. With some of us, sexuality is weaker, with some of us, it is stronger. Probably due to experiences in early childhood or socialization. Or perhaps due to other factors we do not know about, but for which we are not responsible.
And it also goes without saying that sexuality will differ individually. After all, we cannot judge what is normal, can we? All we can do is believe in accordance with our own normality – or abnormality. But then, who knows what is “normal”? Much of what we believe is just a construct or often a mind game with terrible consequences. Basically, no honest person can actually objectively judge himself, especially not when it comes to normality. Teenagers, in particular, often have a very hard time with it. And as soon as you are grown-up, your education will kick in, your super-ego and morals will also have their say.….
It is really sad if then some people suffer because of their self-perceived (or because what others tell them to be their) “sexual addiction”. It is even sadder if someone has to suffer because of his or her homo-sexual nature. As a human being, you should be just as happy with your own sexuality as with your own life.
Basically, everything else should be a thing of the past in our age of enlightenment 2.0. Every one of us is individual and therefore different from others. This is also true for what excites us, to put it bluntly: to what makes us horny. Depending on our subjective conditioning and current situation in life, drives can have various causes.
As likely as not, it is not just humans of the same or the opposite sex that stir “sexual emotions”. Also, I presume there is nobody who is exclusively hetero-sexual. Only Pharisees can say such a thing. Depending on the nature or socialization, there are probably lots of things that are very sexually attractive to many persons. And not just persons of the same or the opposite sex.
Perhaps even a body part is enough to raise sexual appetite? Or an animal, an object, a picture or a symbol. A car or a motorbike, diamonds or beautiful clothes. Something you wear, the warm summer sun or the cold wind on your exposed skin, a certain melody. There are endless things which might sexually stimulate humans.
Often, these triggers are minor things, such as an enlarged picture of a nipple, a square metre of goose bumps, an earlobe (pierced or not pierced), half a centimetre of exposed leg, an ankle, a slim finger, a dimple, the silhouette of a body, the display dummy, or just a special thought.
There may be men who react to every pair of satin tights in the city and others who do not even notice the most beautiful girls in town. To make up for it, they probably react to something totally different. Sexuality differs individually, just like its intensity. But then, where is the problem with this?
So let us accept the “hyper-active” person, instead of calling him sick or addicted to sex. Let us permit people to do what they enjoy when sexually active. With the normal but central reservation that nobody must be harmed. Of course, that is also true for the partner. Just like it goes without saying that children are taboo and forced prostitution is a no-go.
But we should quickly stop all this moralizing about what is permitted and what is not permitted. And we should definitely not implement it in legislation as morally relevant. There is no justification to make others feel guilty. Just like there is no reason to feel guilty because of your own drive. We are what we are – and we just should try to promote our own life and happiness. That is also true for the people we live with.
Basically, we all tend to be hypocrites. But then, it seems to me that hypocrisy is rather wide-spread in our world, not just when it comes to sexuality. Because in our world, lies are a common thing, even beyond the topic of sexuality. Unfortunately, intolerance is often our bourgeois standard and people, along with their social systems, tend to make others “smaller”, rather than “bigger”.
For us, this should be a reason to be less hypocritical and autonomously promote civil courage, tolerance and freedom. And we also should fight against all those rules that say “this is how we do it” and “we do not do that”.
RMD
(Translated by EG)
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